Pervert stabs computer with Samurai Sword during Child Porn Raid

05/21/2012

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Palm Coast - When it comes to Child Pornography, the government does not play games. If you're a creeper who enjoys demoralizing and destroying the innocence of youth, you will eventually be caught.

Case in point: 21-year old Kamil Mezalka. This professional boy scout and child porn peddler had his home raided recently and many inappropriate photos were found.

What cops didn't expect was his reaction to the raid and the method he chose to try and vanquish evidence of his illegal porn collection by attacking his computer with a Samurai sword.

Yes, you read that correct. This buffoon tried to pull a Samurai Chef (SNL) move on a computer. Not very bright.

When the FBI demanded he come out and he refused to do so, agents burst into the bedroom where he was "standing in his underwear, holding a two-handed samurai sword which he had stabbed into the side of a desktop computer", according to FBI agent Jonathan MacDonald.

The FBI's unlimited resources give them access to today's brightest computer experts who were able to find hundreds of pornographic images of children on Mezalka's computer.

It's nice to know one more creepy bastard is off the streets.


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Christmas Eve Fight leaves son in jail, stepdad fighting for his life

12/26/2011

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Bryant Odell Dozier
Citra, FL - Sometimes a mama's boy can take things a little too far. Such is the case of 31 year old Bryant Odell Dozier.

He and his stepdad, 54 year old Christopher Kirnes, got into a brawl on Christmas when Kirnes decided to curse and yell at his wife because she didn't bring home any beer.

Obviously we're not dealing with the upper echelon of society at this junction in the story. But believe me, it gets better.

When Kirnes wouldn't stop belittling Valorie Kirnes, 51, her son had enough. He confronted Christopher but the fight was broken up quickly by mom.

Awwww.

Sike! Bryant decides the fight was NOT over and returned with a steak knife. That's when this typical family struggle became a battle for survival. Christopher Kirnes struggled with his stepson and the details get a little muddy from that point.

Dozier claims his stepdad struck him with a crowbar, and he was just defending himself. Although no visable wounds could be found. Get this...he claimed "they were there and now they are magically healed!"

We don't buy it and neither do the cops.

Kirnes was found with his juglar vein completely exposed and had to undergo lifesaving surgery. After being rushed to Ocala Regional Hospital, he was then moved to Shands Hospital at the University of Florida.

Merry Christmas Kirnes Family. We're sure the lack of beer in the fridge was worth a tragic battle between grown men. Idiots.
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Strange Florida Facts

11/30/2011

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Click here for more strange facts!
If you think your creepy cat-lady neighbor, who always smells of old cigarettes and shame, is a strange beast, check out these interesting Florida Facts.
  • Florida is the only state that has two rivers with the same name. There is a Withlacoochee in north central Florida (Madison County) and a Withlacoochee in central Florida. They have nothing in common except the name.
  • The Seven Mile Bridge, that crosses between Marathon and the Lower Keys, was built in 1982 – in pieces – then shipped to the Keys to be assembled.
  • There is a bed & breakfast, WildLife on Easy Street, on the outskirts of Tampa that allows you to cuddle with an endangered cat of your choice for just a $100 donation to the refuge. You can choose baby bobcats, cougars, and leopards. (hahaha that's insane)
  • Flamingos get their pink color from the shrimp they eat. The more shrimp they eat the deeper pink they become.
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Florida considered America's Weirdest State

11/30/2011

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According to the Associated Press, Florida is the most quirky place in America.

This should come as no surprise to anyone who lives here. When writers from San Francisco get a plane to Florida to write about sexual aberrations, you know something is up.

And that was in the late 1990s. Chuck Shepherd, a legend in discovering "the strange" claims Florida stole the title from California over a decade ago. That's incredible.

When a writer who focuses on abstract news, says he has all the news in the world right here in the sunshine state, I will listen. And so did most of America.

He partially blames the 2000 election for the true start to this trend of insanity here in the state of Orange Groves, Sugar Cane, and Florida Gator stickers.

Shepherd isn't the only one who thinks our state is full of insanity. The Associate Press analyzed their stories from the past decade and reached the same conclusion.

Even websites like Gawker.com and Fark.com which focus on news of the strange, have made our state a punchline. But fret not, fellow dwellers of south. We have something none of those other states have.

Class.

We take this abuse with stride and in humor. Plus...realistically, we are all to blame. Look around you. I'm sure you can identify at least 4 or 5 people who should be in a padded room, yet have keys to a car or heavy machinery.
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