In the past, I have been both a working mom and a stay-at-home mom. I can honestly say that staying home with Dino for the first 13 months of her life has been a special kind of challenge, the kind that can be so difficult but at the same time so rewarding. I didn't get to stay home with Belle after her first four months so I had no idea what to expect. However, I'm glad I got the opportunity to be home with both of them this past year. 

As I begin my full-time employment search, I am conflicted. On one hand, it will be great to get back into the working world, to be independent, and to be able to eventually become financially stable enough for the girls and I to have a place of our own. But on the other hand, the thought of Dino being in daycare full time is breaking my heart. I'm grateful that I got to stay home with her as long as I did, but I think it might have been less painful had I gone back to work a few months after she was born. Now, I think I may have more of a problem with separation anxiety than she will. 

This also affects Belle. She got used to ME being at the bus stop every morning and every afternoon. She got used to ME helping her with her homework. She got used to ME taking her to all of her activities, like gymnastics, yoga, swimming, and zumba. And it really saddens me that I won't have as much time and energy for her once I'm working full time. 

As much as I complain about the messes and mini-meltdowns, I'm really going to miss the time I won't get to spend with my girls. I know it's best for me to get back out there so that I can provide for them. I just hope that one day when they are older, they will understand that everything I do (and don't do) is for them.