It's official. My divorce papers have been filed. It would be an understatement to say I am conflicted. This is never what I wanted, and I was angry at first, but deep down I know it is for the best.
But now, everyone and their mother seems to have a comment or question about what I will do next. I gave up a lot for my marriage and my kids, including a few friends and my career. And I was content with that decision at the time. I thought I was sacrificing my own dreams for a VALID reason, eternal love. Well ladies, love is not eternal and it doesn't pay the bills, and neither do ex-husbands.
So here I am again, a single mom of two kids who have two different fathers. My friends and family say I'm educated, friendly, healthy, fun, and intelligent, and that the RIGHT man will love me and my kids, despite my past circumstances. It's only natural for people to think that I will find myself in another relationship (and even marriage) in the not so distant future. I've never had a problem finding a significant other. Keeping him is a different matter.
Which leads me to my current dilemma...
A part of me thinks that I have always been better off alone. I like my own time and space to do activities that I love, like yoga and running and seeing my friends. I can't help my independent personality and my strong desire to be myself, despite what other people may think. I like having time to take my kids where I want to take them. I like making whatever vegetarian meal I want for dinner without having to appease someone else. I have no problem sleeping alone, eating alone, driving alone, working alone, running alone, or raising my kids alone. Sometimes I think I would be perfectly happy without a significant other.
However, I am still a woman. And sometimes, on days like yesterday, I miss having someone to celebrate with. And on days like today, when I get good news and have no one to share it with. I miss loving and I miss being loved. I miss having a partner, a companion, a best friend. I miss hand holding, hugs, and kisses. I miss having someone tell me I'm pretty and awesome in general. I miss dates. Those missing things may lead me to let my guard down someday.
Don't get me wrong. I have NO intention of getting into another relationship or introducing anyone to my kids for a VERY long time. But I'm still on the fence about "dating." I just hope that if I do someday meet the "right" man, I won't hold my previous heartbreaks against him. But for now, I'll just hang out with my kids, family, and friends, and just let life takes me where it wants me to go.
But now, everyone and their mother seems to have a comment or question about what I will do next. I gave up a lot for my marriage and my kids, including a few friends and my career. And I was content with that decision at the time. I thought I was sacrificing my own dreams for a VALID reason, eternal love. Well ladies, love is not eternal and it doesn't pay the bills, and neither do ex-husbands.
So here I am again, a single mom of two kids who have two different fathers. My friends and family say I'm educated, friendly, healthy, fun, and intelligent, and that the RIGHT man will love me and my kids, despite my past circumstances. It's only natural for people to think that I will find myself in another relationship (and even marriage) in the not so distant future. I've never had a problem finding a significant other. Keeping him is a different matter.
Which leads me to my current dilemma...
A part of me thinks that I have always been better off alone. I like my own time and space to do activities that I love, like yoga and running and seeing my friends. I can't help my independent personality and my strong desire to be myself, despite what other people may think. I like having time to take my kids where I want to take them. I like making whatever vegetarian meal I want for dinner without having to appease someone else. I have no problem sleeping alone, eating alone, driving alone, working alone, running alone, or raising my kids alone. Sometimes I think I would be perfectly happy without a significant other.
However, I am still a woman. And sometimes, on days like yesterday, I miss having someone to celebrate with. And on days like today, when I get good news and have no one to share it with. I miss loving and I miss being loved. I miss having a partner, a companion, a best friend. I miss hand holding, hugs, and kisses. I miss having someone tell me I'm pretty and awesome in general. I miss dates. Those missing things may lead me to let my guard down someday.
Don't get me wrong. I have NO intention of getting into another relationship or introducing anyone to my kids for a VERY long time. But I'm still on the fence about "dating." I just hope that if I do someday meet the "right" man, I won't hold my previous heartbreaks against him. But for now, I'll just hang out with my kids, family, and friends, and just let life takes me where it wants me to go.
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