Here are a few examples of the things my kids say that I wish they would only say in the privacy of our own home (or not at all):

* About a month after having Dino, I was in Target with Belle buying a few groceries. It was the first time in a long time that I could fit into my jeans so I was all excited about wearing them. She looked over at me as we were walking down an aisle and matter-of-factly pointed out that, "Mommy, your belly jiggles when you walk." I wanted to say, "Yeah, because I just had your sister ripped out of my body 4 weeks ago and it takes longer than that to get back in my skinny jeans!" But the somewhat rational part of me just said that I'm aware of that fact and will remedy the situation as soon as possible. 

*  Dino calls every animal a cat or dog. So while in Walmart (of course,) she points at a rather large woman and squeals "DOG!!!" Oops. 

* This one didn't happen in public, but it was equally shameful. Dino was napping and Belle was hanging out with my mom, so I escaped (or so I thought) to the pool deck for a nice glass of wine. About 30 seconds later, Belle came out for "girly time" and "just to chat." That tuned into me teaching her how I jump rope so fast. A few minutes later, my mom brought Dino out, who apparently was not interested in napping. So my five minutes of relaxing alone with a glass of wine turned into making sure Belle knew how to jump rope and Dino didn't fall in the pool. So then my mom asked when I was cooking dinner. Belle walked up to me and said, "Mommy, I know you don't want to cook and you really need five minutes to yourself. You drink wine when you're frustrated." Right on kid. But I still got "the look" from my mom.

* Dino's current favorite phrase is "I do that!" But when anyone asks what she does, we never get an answer. If by "that" she means destroying the house, eating or pooping, I get it. But I really wish I could read her mind....

* I was playing Doctor with the girls, and I was the patient, of course. I had surgery for every minor ailment and wasn't allowed to talk. I think Dino bonked me in the head at least three times with the toy thermometer. After throat surgery, a broken leg, a head injury, stomach pain, and a fever, I was ready for a new game. I asked Belle what else she wanted to play and she said "Lawyer." I looked at her confused, asking what she could possibly know about lawyers. She responded by saying they do a lot of paperwork, and I could be her assistant. After I answered one fake phone call and sent her off to court, she suddenly felt like playing dress up instead. 

* I was helping Belle put on her school uniform the other day, and her skirt was a bit too tight. But she was adamant about wearing it so I let her. However, she still has a little bit of a baby belly so it was slightly hanging over her skirt. I told her it didn't fit properly. So she sucked it in, adjusted her skirt and proudly announced, "I tucked my belly into my skirt so it doesn't look so big." Call me a bad mom, but I totally laughed out loud at that one. 

I must say, that embarrassing as it can be, you know your kids love you enough to be honest. About themselves. About life. Even about you. Sometimes it stings a little, but you know it comes from a good place. I just laugh about it now, but one day they will have to conform to a society where blatant honesty is not acceptable. Enjoy their humor while you can. One day, they will not be so innocent.